Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your
The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell
what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what
watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your
title, people will have you all figured out...
CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR: Independent-minded, and unique of wit. You
loser. Goddamn mercenaries like you who can't hold a steady job
shouldn't be allowed to roam the earth. Everyone laughs at you
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing
avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on
socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities
now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing
degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone
you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact
customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek
admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you
instead content to completely control everything that happens at
work place. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying,
the heck can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in
is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by
You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of
latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is
causing your "carpal tunnel..."
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are
immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in
organization. Combined with your extreme organizational traits,
majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely
HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the
Possibly the only other person that does less work than
are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a
have lunch, AND mail a letter!
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty,
yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your
for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision, you
measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for
yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as
your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless,
destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life.
to make a single decision, you tend to measure your worth by the
of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry
"Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent
ride from taking your own life. As a child, very few of you asked
parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you
pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for
promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.