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From Steven Wright

1.      Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
2.      Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
3.      Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4.      How do I set my laser printer on stun?
5.      How is it possible to have a civil war?
6.      If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
7.      If God dropped acid, would he see people?
8.      If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
9.      If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown
10.     If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
11.     If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
12.     If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
13.     If you ate a pound of pasta and a pound of antipasto, would you
still be
14.     If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15.     Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
16.     Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
17.     Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
18.     Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
19.     What happens when none of your bees wax?
20.     Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
21.     If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a place
why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
22.     Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
23.     If most accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't
just move 10 miles away?
24.If a man speaks in the forest, and his wife doesn'thear..............
Is he still wrong?
25.If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
26.If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?
27.Is there another word for synonym?
28.Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
29. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
30. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be
31. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
32. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
33. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
34. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
35.  Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
36. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?
37.If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
38.If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
39. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
40. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
41. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
to remain silent?
42. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
43. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
44. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
45. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
46. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
47. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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