Men & Women
NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if
Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will
each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of
them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they
want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the
Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out
to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items
left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping.
He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the
checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car
on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going
to the 10-items-or-less lane.
SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool
suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in
a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress
shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are
under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man
will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were
hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is
finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out,
rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men
always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a
myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and
best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.