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Men & Women

 NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, 
 they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if 
 Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will 
 affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head 
 and Useless.
 EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will 
 each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of 
 them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they 
 want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket 
 BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, 
 shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the 
 Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's
 bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
 GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out 
 to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items
 left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. 
 He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the
 checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car 
 on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going 
 to the 10-items-or-less lane.
 SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool 
 suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in
 a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress 
 shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are
 under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
 CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't 
 looking, men kick cats.
 DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, 
 empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man 
 will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
 LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every 
 article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were 
 hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is 
 finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, 
 rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men 
 always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a 
 myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
 OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She 
 knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and 
 best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. 
 A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

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